Expressing Feelings. Life is Our Spiritual Practice 5/3/11

      Once again, welcome to my guests from Germany and Malaysia, thanks for dropping by. I love it when readers share their gratitudes. Doing so meets my need for reciprocity, mutuality and community.
Gratitudes for Today:
1. Delighting in a fantastic lunch with a friend, was one of today's pleasures. It wasn't the food, that was terrific,.it was our conversation. He's a fellow left-handed person; I like his global, non-linear thinking; it refreshes my soul; I enjoy connecting with him; his perspective enlarges my vision of life and possibilities.
2. I'm thankful for the healing I partake in as a result of bonding with dear ones. Relating with friends makes it possible for me to detach from others who aren't healthy for my emotional or mental well-being.
3. I enjoy the posts you leave behind---it helps me to know you better.
4. I got in a three mile walk today. I hiked it to where I met my friend John for lunch. I'm glad I got some additional exercise and was able to catch some rays.

There is much beauty in seemingly simple things, like this wall

5.  Today's weather was fantastic---in the mid seventies. Walking through town provides artistic sights I miss when driving my car. I can be captivated by simple things----brick walls, wild flowers, watching how another person walks. All of life has its unique beauty.
Life is Our Spiritual Practice
       I met with a client yesterday, in the evening. Seeing her progress is one of thing that makes life fulfilling. It's easy for us to slip into black and white, dogmatic thinking. How sad it is when we are trapped within rigid thinking.  We discussed ways we can prevent being that way. 

     We looked at the challenges she has with roommates as her present spiritual practice. We spent time looking at how she express herself, using nonviolent communication, how she relates with her housemates, letting them know her feelings, needs and requests. She's growing more than she was meditating in a cave, somewhere in the desert.  We discussed having serenity and thriving, even in the midst of  chaos.

Yes, it's possible. I know it in my life, even when the squalls of life slap my face with the waves of unpleasantries and intense stressful moments.  It was refreshing see her enthusiasm, after our time was up.

6. I'm thankful for the work I do and humbled that I'm able to help others in their journeys through life.

7. I'll meet with a group of friends at 7:30 p.m. I value the support I experience when we're together.  
     I'll meet a colleague there and we'll talk about prenatal depression, a subject I'm unable to discuss with most people. With two others, I'll process legal challenges I'm facing due to a former unscrupulous employer; these friends have the legal expertise, am I glad.
     I appreciate my friends availability.  It's terrific knowing I'm not dealing with a multitude of issues alone. I'm not superman, nor will I ever be, nor do I want to be. Being vulnerable and not hiding within the coffin of self-protection allows me to laugh all my laughter and cry all my tears.

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Expressing Feelings
     I made time in the mid-afternoon to study---I invested in myself.  I reviewed material that reminded me how we can express feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills is necessary if they are to be a regular part of my life. I was reminded:

      1. Often what we think is expressing our feelings is really expressing judgment.  Example: " I feel you are disrespectful." 
        That's more a statement of what we believe that person has done to us, shown us disrespect, than a statement of our feelings, sadness, anger, resentment, etc. The above statement is a judgment. Which leads to another point that's important for us to be mindful of....
      2. Judgments make people uncomfortable. They are heard as criticism. It's much better for us to express the need that is underneath our feelings. To continue with the example above:Example:  "I'm uncomfortable, because whenever I talk, I'm unable to finish my sentences. I value open communication and equality.  Would it be possible for you to hear me completely, before you replying?"                   
      3. Whenever a pronoun follows the word feel, we are expressing a thought. Same with the word "that."
 E.g.,      "I feel she is....,"  "I feel that...."
         Whatever follows will not be the expression of our feelings. Anyway, I love this sort of stuff. For more information about nonviolent communication, click here and here,
and lastly,  here too
Antidotes for Bitterness
      I met with a dear friend yesterday. We discussed how we can overcome, bitterness. Bitterness, it has been said, is a poison pill we swallow, hoping it will kill the person that we're upset with. It's good to remember that....

"We can't hold a person down without staying down with him." 

                                                                Booker T. Washington.

      The antidote is a combination of  exercising forgiveness and using boundaries. Forgiveness is the bolt cutter that frees us from the handcuffs that bitterness creates, that attach us to the source of that vexes us.

     We reduce the likelihood of bitterness, when we take care of ourselves, doing things that nurture us, when we are in difficult straits that can overwhelm us with bitterness or despair.

      There are steps which can alleviate stress and strengthen us as we go through life's crucible moments. Paradoxically, when under pressure, we often neglect the need for extra sleep, relating with friends, or eating healthy food. We don't make time to exercise regularly. It's during time like these that we it's great to halt,  pray, meditate and have Quiet Time---spending time alone with God.

               Here's to having a great and grateful Wednesday,