Character: The Indispensable Trait For Living Well 10/19/18

     This is the 15th in a continuing series of presenting posters previously used here.

      I am staying in touch this way, while swamped with work. Today's gallery is about character.

      Character, like attitude and gratitude, is the end
all and be all of life.  We don't want to pay attention to what a person says.  Nope.  Instead, we want to observe his or her behavior.

     A person's actions reveal his or her true priorities.

     See how a person behaves in crisis.  Everyone can be pleasant during stress-free days.  Pay careful attention to their temperament when they are cros-sed or betrayed.

    When rubbed the wrong way, how are they? Are they refined when going through the crucible of life?  Or

Socrates

do we see them for who they truly are---angry, bitter, self-pitying---revealing the dross nature of their character.  During such times, we are not witnes-sing golden moments of a superb, well-tem-pered personality.

   A person of character does not jump to conclusions.  Doing so is a control pattern.  I experienced this the other day.

   I was getting to know someone. I did not reply right away to this individual's text. I was busy see-ing clients until 8:30 p.m. I told this person so.

    This soul interpreted I was not interested in her.  Well, I'm not, now.  When we reply quickly, as this person did, without taking in what another says, that's being control-ling.

    We are operating from fear, not con-fidence.  We are trying to manip-ulate an outcome.  In this case, it appears, she was trying to pre-empt what she perceived was my lack of interest in her.

    One problem.  She doesn't know what is going on inside of me. Instead, it is better:

"Speaking our feelings without interpreting is being present. Whenever we state what is alive without judgment or presumptions, we let others know the real us. 

"These authentic words are more likely to be heard and felt by friends than control-oriented  pronouncements. We hurt a relationship when we say, "Oh, you are do-ing this because..."  Or, "I feel attacked." Or, "Once again you are ignoring me."

John F. Kennedy

"All of these statements are faux feelings. They are judgments about the other person's behavior. We are not expressing our feelings.

" Judgments and assumptions are a form of Life Alienating Communication (LAC).  Using LAC only drives a wedge in the relationship. Treating an individual this way is disrespectful.  We are not meeting their need for dignity or equality."

   I wrote those words in, "Being A Swami Is Not Our Job." 2nd Edition.  You can read more, here.

    Mindful of  Maya Ange-lou's quote, "When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time."  I recognized this person to be too high maintenance for me.  

      We want to be mindful of:

"The prudent man sees a danger and withdraws.  The simple continue and suffer for it."  Proverbs 27:12. 

    Character involves having discernment. It is beyond being gullible.  It is speaking what we feel.  It is doing so without using judgments, it requires being present.

        When we are, we have character.  Whatever waves tossed our way, we surf with confidence.  We know an equanimity that allows a life free from the mental static. We are emotionally resilient, enjoying life fully, in a way that cannot be known any other way.