Responding, Not Reacting to An Emotional Bully 10/20/17

        Today,  I spoke up when relating with an unpleasant person who tried dominating me.

         If we say noth-ing, when something bothers us, there is zero possibility of things getting bet-ter.  Expressing what troubles us makes it
more likely our circumstances will improve.  We just want to make sure we have no expectations regarding the other person's response.

         In recovery we learn "an expectation is a resentment waiting to happen."  Instead, it is best keeping the focus on ourselves.  In my case, I told this person how I felt about his constant anger.

        When I said what troubled me, he blew up.  What a surprise.  That's a favorite defense mechanism of his.

        He thinks it keeps me off balanced.  He uses it to deflect from the topic I am mentioning.  It doesn't.  His emotional hand grenade was a dud.

        I told him his reaction was inter-esting.  I said we would resume our talk when it had the dignity it deserved.  I let him know I do not tolerate the way he troubles me.

        I asked him to say what he wanted and felt.  It is more direct and honest than glares and blus-ter. We are impervi-ous to intimidation when we have recovery.

       Because we know:

"I block my own well-being every time I base my self-worth on what I do and what others think of me."     Courage to Change p. 118.

         To have sanity, we place principles above personalities. Whether that be the vulnerable parts of ours or the personality of dominating others.

         Recovery reminds us to assert boundaries.   It's best being kind when we do.  We can say our no as gently as our yes.  This is detaching with love, not amputation.

 "The highest form of wisdom is kindness."  The Talmud.

         Boundaries help us detach from emotionally toxic people.  They are like a door.  They help us to keep the good in and keep out the bad, like toxic behavior.

          When using boundaries, we can----after conversations with angry people--- move on with our day.  We do not get mired in the negative feelings of others.  It is not our job to please unpleasant people.

         Our sanity and serenity are not disturbed.  We want to be responsive to, but not feel responsible for, the feelings of others.  We don't base our feelings on how others react.

        We do not want to submit to overbearing or unacceptable conditions.  Nor do we need to apologize for being ourselves.  We are happier when we seize life instead of meekly letting life pass us by.

       It is better standing in our power, recovery----being true to our values.  When we do, we will have an Atti-tude of Gratitude.
My Gratitudes:
1.  Today, I studied, wrote, prayed and meditated.  Ya ay!  I invested in my welfare.  I added to my sanity.  I did what was needed to have equanimity.  These qualities armored me for the challenges I faced today.
2.  Healthy friendships.  I have satisfying relationships.
3.  I'm grateful for character discernment.  It helps me ward off emotional vampires.  It prevents them from sinking their teeth into the neck of my codependent nature---how I am when I am not living by recovery principles.
How About You? 
      As you know, I ask if you could share at least three gratitudes you have for this day.  I'd love hearing them.  Thanks!