Being True When with Others and Gentle with Ourselves......... 9/21/21

     My workload grew to dou-ble the size of two months ago. I provide tools allowing others to get out of their funks. Dur-ing this season of the Covid 19 pandemic, many ask for help from their depression, fear, short temper, and anxiety. 

     Last Friday, I took a break from my crowded schedule.  Stuart and I enjoyed the day together. 

    We roamed the San Francis-co Peninsula skyline of High-way 35 and more. 

One of the roads we cruised along---majestic. 

    We meandered backroads, onwards to the coastal city of San-ta Cruz.  We delighted in the cool shade of 300 feet (91.5 m.) redwood trees, the largest in the world. They lined our way towards the ocean on a hot day.  We dined at the Crows Nest res-taurant, located on the coast of the Pacific Ocean. 

     Great food, a coastline and lighthouse view, a positive, happy ambi-ance, and engaging conversation we devoured while there. 

     I know Stuart for more than 30 years.  He motivates me to practice boundaries when we are together.  I must be careful.  Otherwise, he will talk over me.  

    

     Stuart thinks quickly, and he expresses himself well without hesi-tating.  Often I say, "I have not finished what I was saying. I paused to catch my breath." 

     So it was, on this day.  Relating with him provides opportunities for both of us to practice patience.  However, it exhausts me, to be constant-ly vigilant.

     I need peace of mind, and tranquility when with others.  I avoid tension.  I experience enough drama in my work. 

     I struggle when talking. I need ease when connecting with others. Even though I express myself well and am a quick thinker,

     My difficulties derive from having aphasia.  

     As a kid, my brain was damaged in the area dealing with speech.  Slowly, deliberately, I talk because I need to think of every syllable I say.  Otherwise, my tongue gets twisted. 

     If I rush, I mispronounce words.  In elementary school, I was laughed at when I spoke.  During that time, I went to a speech therapist for four years. 

     

     Last Friday with Stuart was the best time ever, letting him know, when I had not finished my thoughts.  I experienced happiness, not frustration.  It was encouraging standing for my need to express myself completely. 

      I valued his patience.  I enjoyed greater harmony and emotional safety that day.  I asked for and received consideration, fairness, and balance in our conversations. 

     When listening to Stuart, I let him finish before replying.  I told him I needed same.   Enjoying reciprocity, and recovery involves not accept-ing unacceptable behavior, even when it comes from a good friend.

     We get what we tolerate. 

     It is encouraging and exhilarating to be uncaged, to be allowed to be our best selves.  When our true and authentic self is expressed, we un-furl the wings of the full depth of who we are.   We are living at our total capacity, at our pace.  

     And our hearts soar. 

     To use a different image, the turtleness of who we are--those areas where we are vulnerable, slower, like my speech--are welcomed, un-derstood, appreciated.  The delicate parts of us are respected, not overlooked.  

    Our souls smile from ear to ear when that happens. 

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    Listed below are gratitudes for today.  I would love to hear yours.  Would it be possible to share three things that make your heart soar with gratitude?

I.  I got away for three days two weeks ago.  I made it to Mendocino and delighted in the coastal town with another friend.  This quiet, beau-tiful place gradually has transformed into my home away from home.

     I make my way there at least twice a month. Devouring twisty coun-try roads with my restored sportscar made an exciting trip on our way there and back. 

2.  For enjoying the patience, gentleness, and forgiveness I apply to-wards myself when things go wrong.  Also, this remains the go-to move when I feel vulnerable. 

 I grew up with a per-fectionistic father.     Being kind towards myself and allowing my-self to make mistakes creates a new mind-set, vastly more comfort-ing than the one I had as a youth.  Accepting my-self as imperfect, life is happier, restful, and fulfilling.

3.  I am grateful for recovery.  Because of it, I know healing, emotionally and mentally.  I have moved beyond frustra-tion and fear.  I enjoy ease and tranquility.  I know my feelings and wants and express them. 

     I commit myself to my most important project, my recovery.  This broadening of who I am and my potential deserves my time and energy. 

      Wishing everyone and myself a terrific week,