There is the dic-tionary definition of acceptance. It is akin to resignation. "I have to accept or resign myself with the fact my wife or husband is control-ling." Or, "I have to accept that my rela-tionship with a loved
one will never improve."This type of acceptance is unacceptable if we want to thrive. A defeatist perspective is passive, it is giving in without effort. Personal growth only happens with a strong effort. It is working on our weaknesses until they become our strengths.
Acceptance with Recovery.
There is a second acceptance. It is better. It is coming to terms with a situation and staying in the solution, not submitting to a de-grading situation.
Instead, we see the facts of our circumstances and decide what steps we can take. It is empowering because it gives us options.
There are five steps with recovery-based acceptance:
1) This is moving beyond denial.
b. We feel our feelings about the situation. Part of being present is feeling our emotions, being in touch with them. If we don't, we are being controlling.
We will distract ourselves from what is roiling within, usallly by keeping ourselves busy or helping others.
c. The third step of acceptance with recovery, we go deeper, grieving our losses. It is critical doing so, it prevents us from having anxiety. Keeping negative feelings within activates anxiety.
It is best to empty out negative feelings.
It prevents these horrible hidden, repressed emotions from sub-consciously assaulting our bodies. If we let that happen, frequently we are afflicted with somatically related illnesses. Some of them are hives, high blood pressure, asthma, heart issues, eczema, ulcers, depression, and cancer.
d. We let go of the situation. Instead, we hold it with an open hand. We give up trying to control situations. Recovery reminds us that there is only one God and we are not Him.
For example, the wife with an alcoholic husband realizes she needs peace of mind, tranquility, and emotional safety. She packs her lug-gage. When he comes home from work drunk, she says she's going to a motel, taking the kids.
She tells him, "I'm arranging to live with my parents, I'm taking the kids. When you get sober," she tells him, "we can talk."
Only then will she consider a relationship with him.
It provides the most healing and personal growth. It is Ac-ceptance with Grace.
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I will cover Acceptance with Grace later when I have time. Standby, this form of acceptance gets us over the hurdle of being stuck and angry when we are frustra-ted. It also allow us to know peace, calmness, clarity, and joy even when we are in the midst of an emotional storm.
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1 comment:
Dear Innkeeper,
Two quotes stood out for me from your post:
"It is working on our weaknesses until they become our strengths."
"Instead, we see the facts of our circumstances and decide what steps we can take. It is empowering because it gives us options."
When we hope that the other person will change we're forcing a decision that we do not have
control of. I'm learning this more and more. I have a family situation where I will have to let go and wait to learn the lesson that God will have in store for me. I spoke with the family member enforcing what I thought was best, but there was great resistance on the other person's part. He insisted through several emails, and I finally felt he was being sincere about his decision.
I will make the best decision for this loved one and leave the rest to my higher power. I asked myself what I can do to at least maintain contact in this relationship. I figured something out that was possible, objective, and measurable. The other person was reassuring and agreed. It brought me more peace. I could move on to other exciting parts of my life.
I don't know what the future brings, but I do know since the beginning of my recovery more positive things have happened and continue to happen in my life more than ever because I've been working my recovery program. The positives far exceeded any challenges that have come along the way. Our lives are so broad and rich with many possibilities than to be hypervigilant over one situation. Life is too short as we say.
We love to throw the word, among others, karma around, secretly hoping that the other person will suffer for what they've done to us. They are suffering already.
They have been living with their negative karma. They've been living in their dysfunction or toxicity more times than not, their whole lives, long before they even met us.
The starting point is the first, and arguably, the best opportunity for choice. Accepting that my life is unbearable, and that I can't live this way anymore. We begin a new way of seeing life through principles, like honesty, acceptance, and self-respect.
As we heal and grow more in our recovery, safer people enter our lives. We strengthen the muscle of making choices, and at last we recognize our human value as God's creation and what his intentions for us have been all along. :)
Thank you,
Mr. Zoom Guy
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