reason, too. Analysis was a big part of me, having had a classical education at an excellent university, that included Latin, Classical Greek, philosophy and plenty of math.
But, I do not overuse it. Our mind neither nurtures nor redeems. Grace does, especially that received by knowing, relationally---not mentally, conceptually---a loving God and keeping good company with emotionally healthy and mature people.
Living in American culture requires wariness of the curse of Western Civilization. Thinking. Over-thinking. Over-emphasis on our mind. Spirituality is relegated to something done two or three times a year, if that. Culturally---not spiritually----Americans observe what were once true religious holidays. They are now promoted as occasions for spending money (Christmas gifts) or purchasing candy (Easter), for example.
Having a spiritual awakening was critical for me garnering the characterological strength that allows me to surmount emotional bullies and vulnerabilities created by childhood and adolescent trauma. My relationship with God is REAL. Nurturing, gentle and loving it is, as well as empowering and joy producing. Write me a letter if you would like to know how this became true for me. Or if you would like to have it, too.
My faith was once filled with dread, judgment, condemnation. Not now. Am I glad. My life is filled with joy and hope. I am lucky to know a strength not gotten by determination, but by surrender.
Back to what is happening to me. The wings of my inner self are unfurling, including once dormant feelings. This is making a happier innkeeper. But I remain wary.
Gratitudes:"Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23
1. For the joy of being comfortable in my own skin. This is wrought from doing a lot of work----learning, applying principles above the vulnerable parts of my personality.
2. For having presence of mind, not reacting when confronted with conflict or disappointment. This clear, calm response to drama is abnormal. It becomes normal when we train ourselves by exercising recovery principles. This may be a better link, you decide.
3. I took a four hour nap tonight. I feel much better. I love feeling rested. Providing balance to my hectic schedule is necessary for the serenity and sanity I seek.
4. For living by boundaries. Without them, life becomes chaos. Boundaries is never about being strict. Boundaries are neutral. Like a wall. If a person slams into a wall at 85 mph and dies, it is not the walls fault. He died because he was out of control.
5. For Precious. A Himalayan cat. She lives with me, becoming a part of my inner circle. She loves unconditionally and has taken a shining to me.
6. For my life. I would want no other. It is full, fulfilling, joyous, free. I am making it count. I have excellent friends and it is devoid of emotional vampires, narcissists and rageaholics. I am blessed.
7. I look forward to a special time tomorrow morning. This time is my highlight of the day.
How About You?
What are your three gratitudes for today?
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I am grateful for the hour of playing soccer with my boys yesterday in the evening.
I am grateful for another blessed day, for a wonderful morning walk that brought great, deep reflection on just what gratitude really is.
I realized that the ego or wounded child, from its early conditioning or from an external moment, wants to feel vindicated.
The honest truth is that the ego will never be satiated. Its job is to keep us distracted from truth, reality, or God. We can never really, completely get rid of the ego.
Those who have awoken have noticed their egos diminish to a faint whisper.
Perhaps innocently resisting these gifts, by distracting ourselves, running away from see everything as a gift or opportunity.
Being able to be grateful for what our dualistic minds sees as "negative" is a great challenge that can actually bring us more understanding, peace, and joy.
To be able to be still enough, to say to myself that I get to feel sensations, feelings, see my thoughts, or watch myself breathe is staggeringly beautiful.
I needn't be, but I AM! To thank this force without grudge or expectation is freedom.
I am grateful for my health being restored.
For beautiful summer days.
For each baby step I have taken in my recovery.
For getting to know myself on an authentic level.
For being on the road to self forgiveness.
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