Resiliency: Embracing Negative Reality. Ridding Self-Defeating Thoughts. Seeing Our Emotional & Spiritual Bankruptcy 7/6/13

 

       This week is challenging.  Today, I face unpleasant circumstances.  What is there to be grateful for, when life is tough?  How about this:

1.  We are not our circumstances.  Even though things may at times look bad, that doesn't mean they are.  A positive outcome is as likely as a negative one.

Ridding Unpleasant DVDs That Play Within the Theater of Our Minds

2.  Our feelings are not a prophecy.

       The loudest voice isn't necessarily the truest. (Courage to Change, p. 260.) It's important placing principles above our personality.  This is emotional maturity.

       Usually, when stressed, traumatic memories from childhood are often triggered. They feel as real, emotionally, as they did when first experienced.  Often, we revert to the age we were when the damaging event occurred.

       Outwardly, we may appear adult-like.  It looks like we are in charge of our senses.  But that is not who we are when roiled by stress.

       Past trauma creates jarring emotionally disturbing CDs, that rattle us.  Often they are reactivated by mistreatment or when we sense danger in the here and now. We want to replace these mental DVDs that play catastrophic scenarios on a loop cycle.

       They can play havoc with our minds.  In our body, these torturous thought streams stir up disturbing feelings.  During such times, having awareness of our present circumstances with acceptance is essential.

       The acceptance needed is the recovery type.  Normal acceptance is resignation.  We give in to mistreatment or unacceptable behavior as our lot in life.

      This approach is not recovery.

        Acceptance with recovery is seeing the facts of our circumstances and then determining what steps we can take. It is moving beyond our difficulties.  It is creating a better today.

        This approach empowers us.  It gives us options.  We are not stuck.

        We move beyond fear or passivity.  Healthy action allows us the progress-not-perfection nature to life.  We see results.  We feel the negative feelings, and then move beyond them.  Our fears no longer master us.

        We develop executive functioning.  We move beyond being stuck.

3.  God and others love us, regardless of how we are doing or our circumstances.

     With recovery, we learn we are not what we have, do or look.  Happiness is not based upon whether we are in special relationship or not.  We are valued simply because we are ourselves.

     That is good enough.

     A good supportive network cares about us, unconditionally, too.  Comforted by it, we are strengthened, we develop resiliency.  Periodically we will walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

     This lowly valley may be a job loss, or a divorce.  This difficult stretch of time can be relating with someone challenging.  It at times is feeling the full force of depression, or coping with the death of someone dear.

      Knowing the support of a caring community and placing recovery principles above our vulnerabilities open our Window of Tolerance. It helps us move on, we are no longer stuck.

Acknowledging Our Spiritual Bankruptcy

4.  We can be grateful for resiliency.  Tough times require tough action. Often, the toughest step is humbling ourselves, admitting we can't handle life, by ourselves.

      We need God and the support of others.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."  Matthew 5:3

This passage reminds us of our need for spiritual bankruptcy.  We admit we need others and an Other to live life abundantly, with hope, healing and strength.

      I can't do anything apart from help from other sources, God, good friends, and recovery.  It's a slug to our pride.  Humility is accurately assessing what we have and don't have.

     It's admitting our best thinking and behavior brought us to the difficulties we have.

      This admission does not need to be hard.  The difficulty for us, during rough times, is waiting---- for the results.  Knowing a positive outcome is just as likely as a negative one helps us move forward through Dark Night of The Soul moments.

      Faith is not a matter of having faith in itself.  It's the object in which I place that matters.  We can have all the faith in the world that a sixteenth inch of ice will support me, when racing unto a frozen lake.

      The ice will crack and into the frigid waters we go.
 

A Zamboni

      On the other hand, we can have minuscule faith.  As we put our toes on a lake of ice that's seven feet thick.  It undergirds us.  We watch a Zamboni zipping by.  Our faith increases, we see the ice is strong enough.

      It's not faith in faith, but the object in which we place it.  In trying circumstances, it is best having it in our Higher Power, and those who care for us.

5.  We can be thankful for the clarity we have when waves of pressure engulf us.  Doing the next right action---sometimes minute-by-minute---allows us to swim with tranquility, sanity and serenity.  A healthy faith buoyed allows us a peace that transcends our circumstances.

      Resiliency takes place when we embrace negative realities.   They are opportunities to exercise creativity, to apply problem-solving to our challenges.  It is helpful being mindful of the following quote. With this perspective we can have an Attitude of Gratitude.

        May you have a great and grateful day.  I know I will.

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Daring to Discipline My Emotions