The Innkeeper Is Crushed.......... 10/14/15

      Super tired.

      Spending time in Sacramento, lots of time there, working on myself. I am still suffering from men-tal lag, emotional lag and physical wear-iness. But, you have not heard from me in awhile. That's
why I'm writing this.

      Received bad news Tuesday night. I'm despairing.  Glad I am. You think I'm crazy, that I am happy, after being emotionally slugged in the gut?  My training and profession regularly has me removed from feelings.  I am tapping into them, now.  I am more alive, experiencing the depths of what is going on within me.

      What am I finding?   That I'm angry, frustrated, disheartened and discouraged.  Good.  I am being real and present---with me.  The good news is that I hold everything with an open hand.  Even so, I am disappointed and frustrated.

      I don't know how a disturbing turn of events will come about, evolve.  My confidence is in God.  And the power of being supported by a commun-ity of emotionally heal-thy friends.  Had plenty of group encouragement this weekend that started a day early---on Friday.  All the good happened there makes it seem like I was there a month.

       I bonded with others.  Was loved as I haven't been in years. Cried eight times, good tears.  I am not exactly sure what happened at the state capitol.  But I am different, a changed, improved innkeeper.

       This I know, I am an innocent and loved man.  This truth---as it circulates within me---is a source of strength.  I lean on it when tried, confronted by fears or pressure. This weekend's commun-ity was like nothing I've known.  Stronger, I am, because of it.  I added six new members to my family.

        I almost failed this weekend.  Miserably.  I muffed at expressing myself before a group.  No big deal.  At the time, I did not realize that.  An hour after I blew it,  I soared when given another chance.  I suc-ceeded because of loving support received from these new members added to my family.  Failure is not falling down.  Failure is not getting up, when I do.

       This lesson I am applying to devastating news received earlier this week. What I learned in a phone call crushed hopes for the future, de-molishing dreams that were dancing within my soul.

Gratitudes for Today: 
1.  For being gentle with myself.  I had big plans for today.  Instead, I simplified the day and rested more. It's about time I did.  I don't need to perform to justify my existence. My soul needed rest.
2.  I was honest when receiving unsettling news Tuesday.  I was angry. But spoke my truth calmly.  The news didn't define me.  But, I didn't accept unacceptable behavior and conclusions from the other person.
3.  Received support tonight.  Deeply needed.
4.  I wrote this post even though I was not in the mood and am exhausted.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today?