|I created this poster Wednesday for this post.|
This can be true when others disagree or are upset with us.This can occur when our thinking does not align with them. If we were exactly alike the other person, one of us would be unnecessary. Assert-ing our autonomy and individuality is not a sin.
Being internally refer-ented helps us to stand our
ground. Yes, referented is a word.
Not everything goes the way others want. It is their task deal-ing with disappointment when we upset them, not doing what they want.
peo-ple's emo-tions or obligated to satisfy their desires is co-dependency. Do not feel bad if you find yourself in this predicament.
You're in good company. Ninety-six per-cent of the world is code-pendent.
We want to be responsive to, but not feel responsible for the feelings of others. This is freedom from codependency. Careful attention to the prepositions in the first sentence in this paragraph is critical, if we want sanity and serenity.
To feel accountable for the feelings of others is crossing a boundary. It is also insanity inducing. Other people's feelings are their property. Our feelings are ours.
Nobody can make anyone happy, sad or experience any other feel-ing without that person first giving them permission to do so. (Paths to Recovery, p. 13)
We are not helpless victims. We are responsible for our feelings. Happiness is our job. We make ourselves "Poor me victims" when we blame others for our sadness, even those who abused us in the past.
When we do, we surrender our power and joy to them. We make our happiness depend on those who have hurt us.
When we were younger---we may not have had the wherewithal to realize this. As adults, however, we know better. We take responsi-bility for our emotions. We can use recovery to process our pain.
And then move forward.
This takes place when we substitute unhelpful behavior and attitudes with new and better alternatives. When we do this we are creating a better today. It is a regeneration that allows us to live true to our values, no longer pawns to those who once caused our grief and despair.
Standing in our power produces the wholeness we've always wanted. We are authentic. We will draw healthier people into our lives. And. It. Feels. Fantastically. Good.
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. For Redwood Park in Oakland California. It is full of beautiful trails lined with Redwood trees. Wednesday, I ran there six miles. My Fit-bit tells me I ran the equivalent of 22 stories, too.
Tuesday---at night---I ran there also. In the rain, for six miles (9.66 km). In pitch darkness. I thought my head-band light would work. It was dead. I trudged ahead, anyway.
I did not smack into any mountain lions. Odd thing, I met others walking their dogs or walking with a friend---in the rain and darkness.
2. For the opportunity to serve others. I love what I do, even the minutiae related to it, like filing.
I met with a new client today. I was humbled. Everything I went through in my life prepared me for the work I do.
3. For discipline. It is doing what I don't want to do, when I don't want to do it, because I have to. It often requires push-ing past my feelings.
4. For my fountain pen. It allows me to take aesthetic mini vacations as I note take during sessions and when I chart client progress.
5. For random kindness from clients. The other day someone dropped off dinner for me. Wow. Today, another person surprised me with homemade soup!
6. For silence. There are many distractions that would seduce us away from peaceful moments, if we are not careful. Things like TV, smart-phones, the internet, Facebook, a constant barrage of e-mails, you name it.
I am thankful for books, a quiet, warm, well-lit place. I enjoy a life untethered from text messages, tweets, and voice mail.
7. I am thankful for the many smiles received throughout the day, for connecting with others, enjoying authenticity with good friends, even strangers.
8. I'm looking forward to running a race in November. It will help me measure my progress.
9. I am grateful for people who do not return my phone calls. What, you think I am crazy? I usually see the good in everything. When someone does not return a call it helps me practice patience and allows me to exercise grace towards that person.
How About You?
What are your gratitudes for this week? I'd love hearing your answers.
Have a great and grateful Friday. I know I will.